ATARU I
by Scarymanga
Summary: Every man has a dream, but Ataru Moroboshi didn't want this one. HE a boxing champion?
1. Default Chapter

This song "Leaving You" left me a lil' sad, so I decided to make my first fanfic.

I hope you'll forgive the errors, as I'm not a native English speaker (I'm an Spaniard, you see).

This fanfic is a parody of the "Rocky" film series, and it will have two sequels. Fetaures a little charachters from other series.

I put annotations for the readers to imagine some kind of soundtrack.

And then, let's go with the story.

This story is based on characthers from Rumiko Takahashi works. Rocky is a trademark of United Artists.

ATARU I

CHAPTER 1- DUEL

It was a cold, foggy morning in Tomobiki. As ever, at Moroboshi's it was a little war: Lum had found that Penthouse Magazine colletion which Dad had hide under under an armachair, and she was accusing Ataru for buying them. He thankfully avoided her, and ran away to High School, hoping the mist to hide him from her fury. He was sad at that moment. He was thinking about a song called "Leaving You", that made him think about a possible end of his relationship with Lum. His Lum. (Now the song "Philadelphia Morning", from "Rocky" soundtrack starts to play as we see him walking).

It seemed it was going to be a normal day: falling asleep in class, fight Mendou, chase chicks, be beaten to death by the same chicks, bullying with Jariten, chase more chicks and sleep again, with some pauses to have a little meal. The live of a clumsy plyboy is some kind of monotone life, you know... But that day was going to be so different from the rest. That day, our "hero" 's life was gonna change for the rest of his days.

It was playtime, and Ataru was going to his favourite tree to rest and meditate about the mathematic formula to determine the average speed of an ascending drop of the liquid material inside the lava lamps (an interesting matter we all want to be answered! Ah, don't you?) when a very familiar femenine voice shouted in panic, imploring help. Like a Japanese Quixote he ran where the voice was coming. It was Lum sorrounded by one (yes, only one, but what a one, guys) of the shittiest, despicable guys of Tomobiki's _dolce vita_: It was Keitaro Hiribiki, aka Biglipsdude.

Some of you maybe remember a big, bald guy, with sunglasses and the widest lips you'd ever seen in an anime show, who appeared on UY a couple of times, and even fought Lum once. Well, he was holding the cow by the horns... Err... Well, I want to say that the big bastard was holding Lum by the horns, leaving her helpless, she wasn't able to fly, nor to zap...

He had to do it. It was his obligation as a man (what an old but noble idea!). He touched Biglipsdude's back with his index finger, and the bully turned around. Ataru's fist flew and impacted violently against his huge lips.

Biglipsdude fell backwards. He was K.O.

"Are you alright?" Atary asked Lum, who was still frozen in horror

"I... I..." And her face lighted up "Oh, yeah! Oh, Darling, you saved me as a fairy tale knight saves his princess!"

"Mmm... Oh, shut up, you silly girl" Ataru said in a sweet, mellow tone "I would made it for any woman in the world"

"No you don't"

"Yes! Wanna see it? Hey, Sakura, do you want to be saved a little, too?" Said Ataru, laughing and running to Sakura.

(We hear a fast-paced version of "Jaws" theme)

Lum started chasing him, flying, and willing to fry him like a frozen Chip but stopped abruptly when she saw Biglipsdude running after him, going to punishAtaruwithout as consideration as she. Ataru's mind was completely distracted with Sakura, so he wasn't able to note how that sunglassed gorilla was coming to him like some kind of Santa Fe Express. He didn't deserved that lesson.

"DARLING! ATARU-KUN! BEWARE! THE BIGLIPSDUDE! THE BIGLIPSDUDE IS COMING!"

(Now it's total silence, even without sound effects. Imagine this scene in slow motion)

When he looked back, he only saw a huge fist coming to him. The rest was pure reflex. He bended his knees, crouching down spectacularly fast. He heard the sound of the fist cutting the air. Then, the sound of a beat. He got up to see who or what had been punched. He saw Sakura flying on Tomobiki's cloudy sky. Far, far, away, until she dissapeared fom the view... When she was rescued on the top of Mount Athos by the Greek police, she was only able to say and repeat:

"Miracle! Miracle! I teleported myself , yes, I do! Like Uhura, guys! I knew I had powers! I knew it! I teleported myself to Arizona, and the Incredible Hulk came and punched me! Cool!"

Biglipsdude looked at Ataru. He was terrified to death:

"Inczedible! You'dze the fiszt mothezfuckez who managez to dodge one of Biglipzdude'z punchez".

"Oh yeah? Cool..." Said Ataru, his voice trembling

"Yup. And I just can't ztand zcrapz like you makin' fun of Biglpizdude! And not only that, don't allow me to touch cute hornz"

"Who, me?"

"Yez. Biglipzdude challengez you: He'z the national champion of a new zport: The X-dzeme boxing . Sudze you'dze not capable to beat thiz 17 yearz old champion of the Zenior categodzy!"

"Me? But... I..."

"Ah, you agdzee? 'Kay, so Biglipzdude zeez you the 7th of Madzch: thee months fthom now, on School's Gym"

"..."

"Bye, diggity daffodil"

(We can hear a version of that "I'm Leaving You" song, with imaginary music) All people at school looked at Ataru. He was crouching down the floor, no moving. They didn't know whether to laugh in a Nelson Muntz way for Ataru's bad luck, or cry for the poor classmate, who was always so happy and full of life, in the depths of depression. Actually, even Lum wasn't capable to do nothing. She only can hear his boyfirend murmuring:

"He's gonna kill me, He's gonna kill me, He's gonna kill me, He's gonna kill me, He's gonna kill me, He's gonna kill me, He's gonna kill me, He's gonna kill me,..."


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2 – WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS

Those were hard days for Ataru Moroboshi. The horror and feelings of disbelief were killing his mind day by day. He suddenly stopped to yell at all girls in town (more than one celebrated it), as he started to spend all his time in his room, alone, thinking about his helluva bad luck. One night, Lum said to him:

"Darling, I know you're depressed, but you must overcome this...I..." – She cannot continue. Ataru was... Embracing her. But it wasn't a little hug... It was a passionate one. Lum's face turned red, and hes eyes went wet. He needed it. He needed a shoulder. But at the same time he was feeling it wasn't enough. What else was he needing? Maybe he was waiting for something else. He thought it maybe was... A good ol' beer!

He went to the kitchen and grabbed a can of that-beer-of-the-three-frogs-and-gator-and

-wazzup. As soon as he opened it, it exploded, then flew away, landing on the head of Cherry, who was taken to the hospital, and that's the reason why he isn't gonna appear in this fanfic. He grabbed another can. That one opened easily and without any remarkable incident. He drank the beer quickly and...

"BRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!"

Total silence

"You stinkah!", Someone exclaimed

No. It wasn't what he needed. He needed something more.

Next day, at school, Ataru was silent. He stayed without making anything at all.

It was time for lunch, and Ataru was still there, without moving. Megane and Mendou went to him. Megane said:

"Hey, Ataru"

No answer

"Ataru?"

No answer

"Is there someone there?"

No answer

"You fuckin' motherfucker!"

No answer

"Look! It's Jessica Simpson!"

No ans... JESSICA SIMPSON? WHERE? WHERE? Ah, it's only a lie!

Well, no answer.

"Holy crap..."

Then Mendou said: "Look, Moroboshi, even if you ignore us, I'll tell you. Everybody is talking about this famous fight, and people are starting telling each other about this class of morons. Man, you have in your hands the honour of all this high school. So, despite we have never got on well, I have an offer for you: fight, and I'll pay all you can need: Gymnastic material, trips, food, pants, gloves... I'll even prepare a cool presentation.

Megane here is disposed to be your coach. He knows quite a lot about boxing..."

Ataru raised his head:

"You said "all I need"?

"Well, at least you have reacted. That's a step forward... Yes: ALL"

"Are you helping me for convenience?"

Mendo was about to say something, but Megane interrupted him:

"No. Ataru, you have friends. We maybe have disputed battles for silly reasons, but all this years we have been united. When you made that second "chasing of Lum" in the final chapter this story takes place after Urusei Yatsura final chapter, we were all

with you. You're an idol. I don't know why, but you're considered the silliest but most lovely hero in this city."

Ataru reminded in silence for a moment and then said:

"What would you think if I box "out of tune"?  
Would you stand up and walk out on me?"

And Mendo and Megane answered

"Does it worry you to be alone?"

Then Ataru asked

"How do I'll feel by the end of the match?"

And Megane and Mendo's answer was:

"Are you sad because you're on your own?"

And finally Ataru said with tears of happiness in his eyes:

"No, I get by with a little help from my friends  
Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends  
Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends"

But then someone who was never discovered yelled:

"Would you believe in a love at first sight ?"

And Ataru answered:

"Yes, I'm certain that it happens all the time"

And Lum went and zapped him. Well, things were in order again.

Now it was time to train for the big day. Later that day, Ataru, Megane and Lum went looking for a team of coaches... See this in the next chapter!


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3: TRAINING IS PREPARE YOURSELF FOR A SPORTING EVENT,

AND NOT AN X-TREME SPORT THAT CONSISTS IN TIE YOURSELF ON DA (COMPLAINTS TO COSMO AND WANDA ) RAILWAY.

Megane, Ataru and Lum arrived to a profusely Chinese-style decorated dojo. As they went in, they saw a huge hall, and at the bottom of it, there was a single fellow, screaming to a portrait of an old man, surrounded by a large amount of flowers:

"MAAAAAASTEEEEEEEEEER! MAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTTTTEEEEEEEEEEEER!"

"Oh, way to go, man" Megane said ironically "They killed the master"

Then Ataru shouted "Sons of a…", but Megane stopped him

"Shut up, man! I don't want to get sued by Nick Park and Braniff Productions again"

"Well, we must do something, don't we?" asked Lum

"Yes indeed" Megane said. "I have a plan-B, but I don't know if it is worth to try"

"We must try anything! I want to win this match!"

"Are you sure you want to go there, Ataru?"

"Yes!"

"O.K., but don't blame it on me if you get killed"

"Why am I going to get killed? Is this coach helluva though?"

"No, it's not the coach", Megane answered

And then he brought Ataru and Lum to a nice house that had a signal which read… "TENDO". Dramatic horror fanfare here.

The bell wasn't working, so Megane started:

"HEEEEEEEEEEEEY! IS THERE ANYBODY IN THIS HOUSE?"

And then, a gorgeous girl appeared. She said:

"Hi, I'm Kasumi Tendo, Do you want something from us?"

Ataru grabbed his black agenda and said

"Yes! Your call number! I want your call number! YOUR CA…". Of course, he was zappaed.

Kasumi smiled "Hmmm… Quite a funny guy. However, wha'cha you want?"

"We want to see master Happosai…"

Just then, a window got shattered and Happosai jumped out like a Tomahawk. His target was… Lum's tiger bikini, of course! He flew and flew and encountered Ataru's famous frying pan. He flew again, higher than ever, and landed on the head of a little girl called Sakura Kinomoto (Sakura Avalon according to other sources). Then, she grabbed Happosai and hitted him with a strange mallet she was carrying. Another free flight, destination Barcelona, more exactly on the soccer stadium Camp Nou, where he was "shooted" by the leg of the soccer player Tsubasa Ozhora (Oliver Hutton according to other sources), to land finally on the head of Haruko Akagi, killing her instantly

"Ataru, are ypu a moron or what? You sent the Master to the sideral galaxies! Luckily, I have more alternatives. Look at this card"

Ataru looked at it. It read:

DRAG SLAVE GYM

DIRECTOR: AMERIA WILL TESLA SALLIUNE

COACHES: ZELGADISS GRAYWORDS

LINA AND GOURRY GABRIEW

Ataru thought for a while and said: "Gourry Gabriew! That famous wrelster that acted with a gal called Lina Inverse in tag matches, isn't it?"

"Now it's Lina Gabriew. They married", Megane said as he politely refused the offer of Mr. Tendo to get engaged with his daughter Nabiki as Ataru drank the cup of champagne that Mr. Genma Saotome was offering him for getting rid of the fuckin' old chap .

Next chapter: "SLAYING AROUND"


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4 – SLAYING AROUND (OR HALF-A-PENNY BABY)

Ataru was astounded. That old, dirty building attached to a Subway's bridge was really a gym?

- Megane. Are you sure it's there? – asked Ataru while smelling the sewer's odour that sorrunded the place.

- It's there – Megane answered, and then walked to the ancient building's door. A rotten wood door. There was no bell, so Megane had to knock. A young, beautiful woman with magnificent reddish hair opened the door. She was wearing a black strip and yellow leotards. Ataru was about to take out his agenda again, but when he saw her small boobs, he put it back in his pocket.

- What do ya wish, lads? – She asked.

- Are you Lina Gabriew, ma'am? – Megane asked back

- I am – Mrs. Lina answered.

- I called you. My name's Megane, and this guy struggling for an agenda with a green-haired hottie is Ataru Moroboshi.

- Yes, I remember: is this the crazy fool who has accepted champion Biglipsdude's challenge?

- Yes.

- … - Lina shrugged - I expected something different?

Ataru then appeared just a centimetre in front of Lina's face.

- What kind of "different thing" are you talking about, maidmoiselle?

- Ahhhh, look at yourself. You're nothing but a 170 cm chump, not a champ! – and then, Lina punched him. Ataru didn't move. He just stand there, looking strangely at her, ant totally unharmed.

- Eh? Why are you touching my face? Are you trying to splat some pimple on my face?

Lina looked at him, terrified. She looked back and yelled:

- Gourry! Come there, darling!

A very handsome and muscular young man appeared. Lum looked at him with disbelief.

- Gourfht! Akomeu Netszy & Alepuz! – She said in her language (It meant "God! It's the 2ond handsomest man in the universe after Darling!". Yes, she's even TOO crazy about Ataru).

- What happens, Lina-Chan? Is there another leech in the changing room? – He asked just before falling backwards for an incredible left hand elbow. After helping him to get up, Lina said:

- This weirdo… This freak… He has resisted the punch you jus received. It's him, Gourry. The guy we were waiting for, our Messiah!

- Do you mean…?

- Yes: a little man with a semi-superhuman strength ! The man who is gonna take us out of this hole.

And then, pointing Ataru with their fingers, the couple exclaimed together: THE SLAYER DONKEY.

- Hey. No offending! – Exclaimed Ataru furiously

A man with the temper of a slayer and the resistance and patience of a donkey: Ataru Moroboshi, is about to start his training for a big day.

SEE YOU ON THE NEXT CHAPTER (which I hope it would be more inspired than this terrible one ' )


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5 – Long train runnin'

The Doobies' song was sounding in the gym while Ataru was trying to dodge Lum's zapping. However, this time Lum made it without any other motivation than help Darling to get faster reflexes. Ameria Saillune, the "Half-a-penny Baby" from the last chapter (she was the shortest and lightest feminine boxing champion of all time. In fact she was the only one in her category, the fleaweight, created only for her, and never fought professionally).

"Boy, this guy is dynamite", a voice said from her rear. It was Megane. He was just astounded at Ataru's progression. He had gained some weight by drinking four cans of explosive beer a day, and he was way more muscular (not very muscular, but… Somewhat charlesbronson-esque). He trained toughly: chasing chicks who turned out to be professional athletes hired by Megane, and he ended being faster than they were. Eventually, jealous of his talent, the athletes broke the contract and culled him with the classical large mallets. With this, Ataru gained a lot of resistance, so if his stamina was legendarily superhuman, now it was something out of the human imagination (keep this data in mind, it is important!). In order to gain force, he received lessons from the great wrestling couple "The splatters" (Gourry & Lina Gabriew). He had to brake cars, make sculptures by hitting stones, brake barrels and beer bottles… All these clichés. Quite an average training for a fiction character, y'know… In only two months, Ataru was prepared to face a real fight:

I'm not gonna do it! My principles all clear: I don't hit women, and less if it's this one.

Ataru, you have to be cold as ice to defeat that beast, and if you don't dare to hit someone you care for, you'll never be a good sportsman : There aren't friends when the glory is at stake. – Told Lina as she moved like a William Shatner bad impersonator.

However…

Darling, make it for me, please…

But…

It's for your own good!

Notwithstanding…

DO IT, OR I ZAP YOU TO DEATH! I'M NOT GONNA STOP MYSELF! – Shouted Lum, who was wearing a boxing helmet, gloves and boots, just like Ataru.

Lum ran to Ataru and punched him on his cheek. Ataru felt her warm and soft hand under the thick glove, oh so comforting… But by no means painful. Lum was the weakest being in this side of the Pecos (how can I write such silly thingies?). Ataru decided to punch back, but when he saw Lum's beautiful eyes, her gorgeous glance… He turned the elbow back and punched himself just in the middle of his nose. He fell K.O.

Taking profit of the situation and happy as a cute lil' bell, Lum stared kissing Ataru's motionless body as the rest of people there nodded. He was ready: he had the strength, the stamina, the speed and the reflexes. The following month, Ataru received some tactic training. He was ready. On March the 7th, the School's Gym was crowded and decorated. Ataru's army of hooligans, formed by Lum, Mendou and Ataru's classmates took their seats. Bleachers were installed to see the fight (Mendou paid them) and expectations were… Low. Logically, Ataru was the hero there only by assisting to the fight. To avoid being dirty, people from the first rows had taken with them some plastics and umbrellas to avoid the blood that was going to fly trough Gym's air on that cold evening of March.

Ataru was at his changing room. He was dressed with dark green pants, with a black line on its sides. Gloves were black. His bathrobe was back and green, and on his back, they had painted out the word "The Splatters" and changed it for the word "Moroboshi". Under the name, an ad of Drag Slave Gym was clearly visible.

"It's the moment", an announcer said from the changing room's door. Ataru was feeling strangely quiet and peaceful. He turned to megane and said:

If I die here, there's something I wan you to tell Lum.

I know what it is : "I'm sorry I can't pay you the debt of the interspecial taxi. Here's my bank account number…"

No! The other thing. I promised her something on the last chapter of the manga and on a movie, do ya rmemeber?"

Of course… "I…"

TO BE CONTINUED


End file.
